Wednesday, December 22, 2010

UnDead Politics at Work

5 minutes later.
“What kind of Vampire would you want be? Twilight, Angel, Lesat...” AKL asked.
“Blade.” I replied without hesitation
“Blade? But he hunts Vampires.”
“Yes. I support and endorse the Van Helsing Doctrine of Engagement.”
“Daywalker.” AKL replied and went off to do story time.

“Don’t Dr. Scott me, Brad.”

The Kid’s Department was a having a printer error. Heading to the department I took a look at the misbehaving machine.
“Hrmmm.” I said sagely.
“What’s wrong with it?” Asked AKL (Awesome Kids Librarian).
“The sonic transducer needs to be replaced.” I said.
“It is I suppose, some kind of audio-vibratory-physio-molecular transport device?”
“Erp. Yes.” Sonic transducer, fuser, same difference.
“Don’t Dr. Scott me, Brad.” She said.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Noh Books

"I’m looking for some information on Japanese Theater, specifically Kabuki." Asked the patron.
"I thought Japan had “Noh” drama."

"No, it has as rich and cultured tradition."
"I “Noh” what you mean, it's "Noh" problem."

Saturday, October 16, 2010

In the Library with the Candle Stick

“I'm looking for Agatha Christie, and can’t find her.” Said a patron.
“You can’t find her? A mystery is afoot! Have you checked the Orient Express? Or notified Interpol?”
“Hehe, no I haven’t.”

“It maybe a crime against literature! Shall we investigate the shelves for clues?”

Friday, September 17, 2010

Books for the Living Impaired

Picking up the phone at the Reference Desk.
“Hello, can you help me put some books on reserve?” The patron asked.
“Sure, I’d be glad to.” I replied with convincing enthusiasm.
“I’m probably going to die before I get to read them all.”
“Can I suggest some short stories instead?”
*Insert putting 4 books on reserve*
“There’s a long wait on that one.” I mention.
“Would you come read it at my grave?”
“I don’t know, it’s 562 pages, I might have to bring lunch.”
“I just know I’ll be dead before I get it.”
“You’ve far too much reading to do to die.” I reply.
“Does God Love you?”
Crap, I think this just became about Jesus. “Probably, especially if He hasn’t been paying attention.”
“Then from your lips to God’s ears. The Reaper will be coming for me soon.” I don’t fear him personally, cowbell keeps him at bay. Perhaps she needs more cowbell.
*Finish reserving 3 more books.”
“No one in my family has lived past 80 in 8 generations!” She added.
“Statistically then you’re over due for a long life.”
“I hope so.” Gasp! Inspiring the will to live? I’m going home early to celebrate. “But if I die tonight, I won’t need these books.”
“Iif you wake up dead, be sure to call the library and have us cancel your holds.”

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Cannibal Lice

The Midweek Chatty Patron stopped by.
“You know what really frightens me?” She asked.
“Cannibal clowns?” I replied.
“No, super lice.”
“Lice from Krypton? I can see how that can be worrisome. Curse earth’s yellow sun!”
“A library in Florida had to close to have them exterminated!”
“If we had Library Monkeys, Super Lice wouldn’t be a problem, they’d be a snack.” Note to self: Write a grant for Library Monkeys.
“Apparently they’ve evolved.” She added.
“Did evolution give them a taste for man-flesh? That be cause for alarm or a SyFy movie.”
“Where did they come from?”
“A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, but I can check.” An actual reference question!
“No, it’s okay. In New York it’s gotten so bad in some apartments they created a ray that irradiates them.”
“Radiation sounds like a bad idea. Should they mutate we’d have to summon Godzilla to fight them.” Or King Kong. He’d probably eat the Super Mutant Lice.
“Always something to worry about! Night!”
How... cheerful.

Thursday, September 02, 2010


“This computer is so slow, it’s horrible! I can’t stand it anymore!” My coworker cried.
Right, I do IT so this is my problem.
“Can you fix it now?” She politely demanded.
“Computarius Repariousa!” I say pointing my pen with a dramatically flourish. The pen would function better if it had a phoenix feather in it.
“Did you just try to cast a spell on the computer?”
“Yes, it was that or restart it.”
“I could restart it. Any muggle could”
“Yes, yes you could.” This is a learning moment. Learn!
“If it’s still horrid afterward I’ll put my MCSE skills to work.”
“MCSE?” The librarian/muggle replied quizzically.
“Microsoft Certified Sorcerer Expert.”

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Ask a Question, Get an Answer

“Why isn’t the database working?” The patron asked.
“The IT Shaman has offended the Router Spirit.” I replied. “Supplication to the machine spirit will be made on the next Full Moon, or when the replacement part arrives.”

Friday, June 25, 2010

Ethernet for the Machine Spirit

Friday afternoon my boss asked me to swing by his office so we could optimize some of the network access for the databases.
"This should be easy." He said.
"Making changes to the network on a Friday afternoon angers the Great IT Spirit."
"Ha, but it's a quick fix."
5 minutes later a port on the router blows.
My prophecy had come true, all hail the IT shaman

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Welcome Return

Meanwhile, at the Desk...
"Do you have any copies of the Great Gatsby?" The patron asked.
"Sorry, the Great ones are all checked out. We have plenty of Mediocre Gatsby and one Good Gatsby if you're interested."