Muggle-Tech

“This computer is so slow, it’s horrible! I can’t stand it anymore!” My coworker cried.
Right, I do IT so this is my problem.
“Can you fix it now?” She politely demanded.
“Computarius Repariousa!” I say pointing my pen with a dramatically flourish. The pen would function better if it had a phoenix feather in it.
“Did you just try to cast a spell on the computer?”
“Yes, it was that or restart it.”
“I could restart it. Any muggle could”
“Yes, yes you could.” This is a learning moment. Learn!
“Oh.”
“If it’s still horrid afterward I’ll put my MCSE skills to work.”
“MCSE?” The librarian/muggle replied quizzically.
“Microsoft Certified Sorcerer Expert.”

Ask a Question, Get an Answer

“Why isn’t the database working?” The patron asked.
“The IT Shaman has offended the Router Spirit.” I replied. “Supplication to the machine spirit will be made on the next Full Moon, or when the replacement part arrives.”

Ethernet for the Machine Spirit

Friday afternoon my boss asked me to swing by his office so we could optimize some of the network access for the databases.
"This should be easy." He said.
"Making changes to the network on a Friday afternoon angers the Great IT Spirit."
"Ha, but it's a quick fix."
5 minutes later a port on the router blows.
My prophecy had come true, all hail the IT shaman

A Welcome Return

Meanwhile, at the Desk...
"Do you have any copies of the Great Gatsby?" The patron asked.
"Sorry, the Great ones are all checked out. We have plenty of Mediocre Gatsby and one Good Gatsby if you're interested."

Do they Speak English Where You're From?

I'm at the Reference Desk and a student walks up.
"Bible."
Maybe it's slang I'm not hip to. Maybe "Bible" is the new "aloha." But I'm working and I need to dial down my Snark down from 11 where it's normally set, so I don't wish him " 'lo, Good Bible to you fellow Puritan" nor "Sup, Bible to ya."
"Bible?" I ask patiently.
"Bible." He says like it's actually helpful.
"Any particular one you'd like? They come in several styles." I sound like I'm trying to sell him a new hat.
"Uh, a Bible?" He say. Okay, he's just proved he's slightly smarter than a parrot.
"Numerous versions are available. Try BS393, 5th floor, and find one you like."
"I want one like Jesus read."
"That would likely be the Torah and probably in written in Aramaic, Greek or Hebrew. However I still suggest you look at BS393 and should you have any questions about the particular version please ask. Is this for an assignment?" Sure I'm snarky, but helpful.
"Just a Bible."
"Fifth Floor. BS393."

I think "Bible" should be a new slang word like "aloha" but then the Ultraconservatives would just have more reason to hate me.